Farang S is gay. We rarely see each other at work, and in fact had not spoken in years before his invitation. He asked me out for gay solidarity and bonding.
We are both in long-standing relationships with Thai boyfriends. He hasn't met mine, but I have met his.
'So, how did you meet him ... in a gay bar or disco?' he asked.
Presumptuous!
'Neither,' I said.
Farang S, who fancies he knows most things about Thailand, looked surprised.
Not all Thai boyfriends come from bars, or were raised in the poor Northeast. Not all migrate to Bangkok in search of work, or sell their bodies to make ends meet.
I didn't pick up boyfriend Maiyuu at a nightspot, but met him through a friend. He comes from a seaside province close to Bangkok.
Maiyuu left school early when his parents died, but is clever in other ways, even if he does not shine academically. I am proud of him, and was peeved to be asked that question.
'We met in a lunchtime restaurant a few months after I moved to Bangkok. The eatery was in the hostel where I stayed.
'I told the owner about my life. He suggested Maiyu move in with me to be my friend, as I was living alone and felt homesick.'
If I was unkind, I would have jumped in and asked farang S the same question about the love of his life.
'So, which a-go go bar did you meet your boyfriend in?'
But I didn't, because I am made of better stuff. The real story of people's lives is usually more complicated.
Even relationships which start in a gay bar can develop and prosper. I didn't like the implication, that I met Maiyuu on a tacky sweep of Bangkok gay nightspots, and that the boyfriend, poor and stupid, latched himself on to me because he needed the money.
Do I think too much? Possibly.
That's how many relationships between foreign tourists and Thais start. But to be courteous, I think we should give people the benefit of the doubt.
How many relationships which begin in a gay disco or bar last the distance? Not many. It reflects poorly on the Thai and foreigner alike if we assume that they all have to start there, even if many of them do.
The foreigner's know-it-all veneer conceals a weary cynicism and underlying disappointment with his life in Thailand.
Maybe he was having a bad day with his own boyfriend, which soured his mood. If his Thai boyfriend upset him, then they must all be no good, right?
I felt sorry for farang S. Next time, he'll have to pour out his misery to someone else, because I am not interested.
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