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The boyfriend went out last night. He is cunning, so that when he wants to go out, he is always out the door before I get home from work.
That way, I can't stop him. He sends an SMS telling me he's going out. He also makes sure he cooks a meal for me before he leaves. Last night, he left for me chicken pasta, wrapped inside a crepe envelope.
Only a curmudgeon would object. I sent Maiyuu a thank you message as I usually do, and wished him a happy night out.
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The money for the pushbike and sofa which Maiyuu wants - okay, which we both want - is likely to arrive tomorrow. After rising from his slumber, Maiyuu's first words the other day were:
'When will I be able to buy a bike?'
No 'Good morning', or 'How did you sleep?' Such polite fussiness belongs in the West.
Lately, Maiyuu has looked bored and unhappy. Now that we have settled in to our new condo, there's nothing to do.
Maybe people are only happy as long as they are striving for something. When it finally arrives (a nice place to live, in this case), the novelty quickly fades. We start looking for something else to worry about.
We want to buy a bike, so he can scoot off to the supermarket to buy groceries when he needs them. Martha Stewart's cooking show gives him ideas for cooking, which he usually likes to act on straight away, while the inspiration is still with him.
We want a sofa so we have somewhere to sit while watching TV. At the moment, we lie on awful fold-out soft mattresses, which in the old place served as Maiyuu's bed.
We sleep together on those mattresses occasionally, as the afternoon ebbs into evening, and we feel in need of rest.
Once we have those things, Maiyuu assures me, the condo will be finished.
We won't have to spend anything more on doing it up, or equipping it for our needs.
Yet I do not kid myself that a smart pushbike will make Maiyuu happier.
It will give us perhaps a week's worth of excitement - the novelty of riding on a bike, which I have not done for years, and Maiyuu, perhaps not at all.
After that, we will go back to feeling the way we do now - bored, flat, as if life is just drifting along. No challenges, no excitement. It's almost as if we need something to go wrong to recover some passion in our lives.
11 comments:
ReplyDeleteWas Once4 April 2009 at 20:24
Would you stop him, really? No. Maybe when it is a good time, tell him that you wouldn't ever because you don't own him and you just want him to be happy.
Things will never make anyone happy, they either get old fast or wear out, and send you back for something that costs more.
Don't wish for conflict to bring excitement to your life either, when it comes it usually comes in ways you can't control. Try working on understanding your mind and its cravings or attachments.
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Bkkdreamer4 April 2009 at 23:12
Would I stop him from what?
My goal during the next six months is to encourage in him an interest in getting back to the workforce.
If he is working, he will feel happier, I hope.
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ichimaru akira5 April 2009 at 01:25
Go for a holiday,just the 2 of u
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Was Once5 April 2009 at 08:39
(Going out to have fun.) It will be a hard sell to him, to get back in the workforce, because I think he, in some ways, think this is his work..taking care of you. It might all he can do, especially now with this recession. Continue to encourage him where in areas he excels, but avoid a tone that tells him what to do next..like you should do this, blah, blah, blah. It insinuates that he is not good enough as he is presently. You know. It is damn near impossible to get into someone else's head.
I like the holiday idea, but it could backfire if he doesn't want to be seen with you in public.
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Bkkdreamer5 April 2009 at 08:54
I like your comments. You are right, he does see it as his job to look after me, and he does it well.
I will not tell him what to do, as it may suggest he is not doing a good job at home, and as you say, the economy is in the mire.
And it is damn near impossible to get into people's heads!
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Kevo335 April 2009 at 09:06
Are there any hobbies that you two could do together? Spend time playing games together, take up indoor gardening(or on the roof), buy a pet, take up hiking or biking together, etc etc.
Find something that would interest both of you and help bring you together at the same time.
That's my $.02
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Was Once5 April 2009 at 09:09
I only speak from experience, 3 former lovers, and now my current Thai gentleman. I have for his benefit as well as mine working on understanding my mind, to the point where he can now tell if I don't mediate one day!
I wish you the best.
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Anonymous5 April 2009 at 10:55
People who have had dramatic, dysfunctional childhoods often look to recreate their family circumstances as adults. For some, that means drama and disorder are what seems normal and energising. And without it being created between two drama queen partners, what reason is left for the relationship?
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Anonymous5 April 2009 at 18:49
I don't know, it's like you are begging for one of us "viewers" to give an opinion on your life. The "shrink" as you say. For me (my first time writing), I've totally enjoyed reading about your life and times in Thailand, but am now starting to understand all the bitching about the boyfriend and you. It seems you just enjoy being unhappy and a bit of a discontent. Go for it.
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Anonymous5 April 2009 at 19:25
Want challenges? Try raising a few kids...
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Bkkdreamer6 April 2009 at 05:09
Anon 1: Begging for responses? I don't beg.
Anon 2: When I see my siblings with their kids, sometimes I wish I had tried raising kids of my own. I wonder if I could keep my patience.
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