Old and musty

My boyfriend left on his trip to the provinces to sell bags yesterday. It is his first time away from home in weeks, as his work appears to have dried up. ‘It is more fun being at home than working – I can cook, and look after you,’ he says.

I do not mind that Maiyuu has no work to do.

When he is at home, I do welcome the occasional break, such as when he pops outside to buy something in the market, or visits his friends in the condo.

We shoot each other 100 glances every day. They are our ‘making sure' glances. I worry that I may have done something to upset him, and vice versa.

However, now that he is away all day, I miss my Thai guy. We have fun together... moments when he will say something funny, and I have the wit to reply in similar vein.

A recurring joke is that I am getting fat and old. My eyesight is also getting worse.

‘Soon I will need to guide you everywhere...I can be your human walking stick,’ he says.

Or: ‘You smell like an old man.’

‘How do old men smell?’

‘Musty.’

The day before he left, Maiyuu visited the hairdresser. He has come back with his hair cut in a new, super-short style, with a small tail at the back.

‘You are more handsome,’ I say approvingly, as I pass my hands through his hair.

‘Can’t you keep your hands to yourself? You are like an octopus,’ he replies.

The first payment from the extra work I am doing has arrived. We are both excited, because we will be able to buy a few things which for months we have been unable to afford.
The night before pay day, we went to bed at the same hour, but neither of us could sleep.

Half an hour later, he heard me stirring on my bed.

‘I smell old man!’ he called out.

In his absence, I talk to myself to stave off loneliness, but it is not the same.

-
The mad man who lives along the railway line below has just fed his chickens. They shut up briefly while they gobble down their food, before resuming their chicken noise.

The trains start about 6.30am, but he’s already up, as are his chickens, who squawk most of the day.

The other day they were mysteriously quiet. I walked out onto the balcony and noticed he had filled the open-sided tin shed next to his place, where he raises the birds, with a large mound of soil. ‘Maybe he’s buried them,’ I said to Maiyuu hopefully.

Alas not. The noise resumed a day or so later, when he removed the soil again.

This morning as I write, he has lit a fire inside his shed, and is working on his motorbike. The man sells Thai desserts on a cart, which he attaches to the bike.

What is it about men and sheds? He spends more time down there with his chickens than he does with his own family.

-
Readers may have noticed the Google Adsense advertising on this site. If you see an advertisement which interests you, please do not be afraid to click. It helps keep this blog in business.

Growing tummies

Todd and Benz are an item. I know sweet-faced Todd, but I barely know his fem boyfriend Benz.

I met Todd, a friend of my boyfriend Maiyuu, as I was entering the condo.

It was 11pm, when gays in our building must go out to buy food for their partners. My boyfriend Maiyuu had been out shortly before to buy food for me.

Todd has filled out again and looks well, after going through a thin, gaunt-looking patch a few months ago when he developed a lung infection.

He was wearing long-legged basketball shorts and a T-shirt.

'How is Benz?' I asked.

I see Benz waiting for a bus often, opposite our condo. He is tall, lanky and shy.

'Benz is okay...but he has a cold, so I am going out to buy food for him.'

'Is Benz a fussy eater?' I asked, thinking of how thin he looks.

'No, but he doesn't eat much.'

I rubbed Todd's tummy.

'You look good,' I said.

He rubbed mine.

'Do you have a baby in there?' he asked, and laughed.

I have put on weight, which the boyfriend tells me he will help me lose.

'I will stop baking cakes and pies. And no more fried bacon and cheese sandwiches either,' he volunteered yesterday.

'But you can keep giving me the same amount of food money as before.'

'I can't sleep if I go to bed hungry,' I complained.

'Never mind...we can keep some vegetables and fruit close to your bed. When you get hungry, just roll over and eat some,' he said.

'That sounds unappetising,' I said.

Years ago, Maiyuu and I travelled with Todd and a group of our Thai friends to Sataheep in Chon Buri. Back then, Todd was stressed with work. He smoked and drank heavily.

We stayed at a large hospitality home on a naval base. I rubbed his back for him and told him I hoped he would feel better soon.

Judging by his appearance last night, he is a much happier young man now. Next time I will give him another tummy rub just to make sure.

-
I am still looking for a Thai guy to put in the banner of this blog. Loyal reader Ian has sent me a selection of pictures, as have another couple of readers.

Over the next couple of weeks I shall post them. I will post each image for a few days then change it.

If you like a particular picture, feel free to leave a comment. You can use the shout box in the sidebar, if you like, so we get all the responses in one place.

Germany, here we come!

I saw Mr Esan on the road ahead of me yesterday as I headed back to our condo.

I had actually spotted his frame from some distance away, and started taking bigger paces so I would catch up with him.

He was talking on his cordless phone to his girlfriend.

Until recently, he sat shirtless in the condo carpark most nights talking to the security guards, who are also from Esan in the Northeast.

However, this is the cool season, so he now wears a T-shirt.

I put my hand on his back and greeted him. 'Where have you been?' he asked.

'Walking.'

'Buy me something to eat?' he asked hopefully. 'Two boxes, including one for the security guard. We can go together.'

'Where?' I asked.

'I will take you.'

I had never been on an adventure with Mr Esan, whose real name is Ton.

We turned around, and he hooked my arm in his, the way couples do when out walking.

Excitedly, he told his girlfriend on the cordless phone: 'I am going out with the farang!'

Of course his girlfriend asked where. Was her man turning pink? Little chance. 'Just for something to eat.'

Ton took me to a foodcart on the other side of the market where boyfriend Maiyuu and I used to order lunch years ago.

We stopped going because we had to wait so long for orders. It was my first time back in years.

The same people were still there: a small woman who runs it, called Pee Book, and a stumpy-looking older woman whose name I cannot remember.

Stumpy has a gay son. He used to join his mother at the foodcart after he finished university, to help her run the place.

'She doesn't like the fact that her son is gay,' Maiyuu told me once.

Stumpy behaves just like a typical market trader: she is crass, noisy, insensitive.

Pee Book knows I live with Maiyuu. She also knows his gay and kathoey friends from the condo.

In years gone past, when I had a restless eye, I took a few young guys to her shop to order food. Sizing up my friends, Pee Book would always ask me if I was still with Maiyuu.

'Yes.'

She would say nothing more, silently making note of the fact that I had brought a new fling.

Pee Book was sensible enough to keep such thoughts to herself. However, Stumpy, who is anti-gay and stupid, would have to say something.

'Ha!' she would exclaim, as if she had caught me out being unfaithful.

Both women yesterday took their idle conversation with me to a new level of nosiness.

As we stood waiting for our order, Pee Book told Ton that I had been a customer for many years.

'We have known the farang for eight years or more. You can't pull one over him,' she said, looking at Ton.

'He's just offered to buy me a meal, as I have run out of money!' said Ton in his own defence.

Can't two guys order food together without these market women gossiping?

As I went to pay Stumpy, Pee Book asked me the usual:

'Are you still with Maiyuu?'

'Yes,' I said.

'Ha!' exclaimed Stumpy.

Ton felt obliged to defend himself again.

'As I said, I have no money,' he said.

'I'm not criticising,' said Stumpy.

Turning my back on the women, I chatted to Ton as we walked back to the condo.

'I learn German at home every day. My stepfather is German, and my sister and I are moving with him to Germany in six months,' he said.

'How's the German?' I asked.

'Hard.'

'Talk for me? I'd like to hear you speak.'

'I can't say anything yet.'

Ton offered to introduce me to his journalist stepfather, who had arrived at the condo from Pattaya the day before.

Stepdad must have been in Ton's life a while: under his influence, his younger sister was 'fluent' in German, he said.

Ton, who looks about 19, has been to Germany once before, to Berlin. I don't know how he intends to spend his days there, or even why he is going.

I am sure Mr Ton will miss us when he moves to his new home, which hopefully is only temporary.

He will miss his nightly chats with the security guards from Esan, and his lengthy conversations over his cordless with the seldom-present girlfriend.

He is unlikely to miss those nosy women from the foodstall, with their common market ways - but who would?

But at least he can communicate here. In Germany, if his stay is a long one, he could find himself getting lonely and longing for home.

Quantum of Solace: Mutli-lingual, pirated Bond

We watched a pirated version of the new James Bond film, Quantum of Solace, last night. Pirated films can usually be found in Bangkok within days of a film opening in cinemas.

Boyfriend Maiyuu went on a short trip to Silom, where he bought it from a street vendor.

We had planned to watch it together at the cinema last week, but missed the chance as I was busy.

An hour later, Maiyuu was back with the movie in hand. Someone had filmed Quantum on a hand-held video camera, I assume, though the camera was remarkably steady.

'The picture is 80% clear,' the vendor told him. So it was, though the sound echoed. Still, that's what you get for a B100 rip-off.

The DVD comes with a variety of soundtrack and subtitle options - how do they do that if they are merely filming it on the sly?

Half-way through the film, the Bond character starts talking German.

This was odd. Bond was speaking in a voice which sounds remarkably like Daniel Craig, who plays him. Okay, so he speaks German in a convincing accent. So what?

I recall from my days of reading James Bond that as a secret service agent, Bond has to speak many languages fluently. At first I paid no attention, though I did think the producers were going a bit far, trying to impress us with his German.

A Bond girl starts replying in German. The conversation was getting lengthy, but never mind, I thought - soon they will go back to English.

They were standing in a cave over part of Bolivia, having just jumped out of an old plane moments before it crashed.

James Bond, of course, can't leave planes in the conventional fashion. Nor can he get on to boats or even into cars normally, as you will see in the movie.

And he can always find a car just when he needs one - even in the middle of the desert. But no matter.

'Why are they talking German?' I asked Maiyuu, who lost interest in the Bond movie five minutes after it started.

The action scenes looked cluttered, and the story made no sense (a common complaint in critics' reviews). He decided to do some baking instead.

He came over for a look.

'In caves in that part of the world, they talk German,' he said authoritatively.

For a few minutes, I was convinced. Earlier in the movie, I also heard Bond speak Spanish or Portuguese, but then he was in Bolivia, I thought, so why not.

But these foreign language conversations seemed to go on a bit...long.

In another scene, Judy Dench, who plays M, enters an extended conversation in German with some spy service counterpart. She speaks with a raspy voice which sounds just like Judy Dench.

Okay, so they all speak German - so what? When can we get back to the English soundtrack?

It was some time before I realised that the soundtrack of the pirated film was defective. The language selection device had taken on a life of its own. One moment, we were listening to it in English...then Spanish...then German.

At the start of the film we thought we would have to listen to a dubbed Thai soundtrack, as the actors started talking in hammy Thai, though Maiyuu quickly found the switch to put it back into English.

Thai dubbing artists murder movie soundtracks. I would have refused to watch the thing if I could not listen to it in at least English.

Thai dubbers always sound the same, perhaps because there aren't many of them. In Germany, they sound more professional. The character chosen to put Bond's words into German really does sound like Daniel Craig; likewise, Judi Dench. I could barely tell them apart from the real thing.

I would be unfair, right, to offer a review of a film after watching a badly-made pirated version?

Yes, but this is a blog, so I will anyway. My biggest complaint? It is hard to follow. Within moments of the opening, I was lost.

Action scenes are convoluted and confusing, thanks to the rapid editing. The cinematographer spends about two seconds on each shot, then gets bored.

I feel sorry for the storyboard artist, if every one of these scenes had to be drawn on paper first.

Who's the bad guy? Where is he? How did that car end up flying off a cliff? It was on the road a moment ago.

Judy Dench's bleached hair has a strange matted look. Her best scene is when she is wiping nightcream on her face. We get to see plenty of realistic-looking skin sag. Up...and down. Round...and round. She has courage, that actress.

In this film, Bond gets two girls. They do not make much impact. I shall have to watch it again to find out why they are there. However, the bad guy, Mr Green, played by Mathieu Amalric, is realistically bad.

He dies a silly death, which we do not even get to see, but we can forgive him that, because he looks life-like (even espouses a modern cause - environmentalism), and gets some good lines.

Daniel Craig as Bond is craggy and brutal. 'He is not a man to be messed with,' as one reviewer says. He gets a few good lines, too, which is only fair, as he is the hero.

However, Bond in this instalment is also humourless. He lost his girl in the last movie, and wants revenge. By the end of Quantum, his lust for revenge is spent, which is good, because so is our patience.

On the plus side, Bond is touchingly loyal to his boss, M. Loyalty counts for something in this movie; I liked it.

At one point M suspends Bond from duty, but renegade Bond flouts her orders to return home and carries on with his destructive mission regardless.

'Bond, I need you back,' says M at the end, after the dust has settled.

Mr Green's body has been found in the desert, and Bond's CIA friend Felix Leiter has been promoted, she tells him, by way of tying up loose ends.

'I never left,' says Bond, who has discarded in the snow a silver chain which belonged to his lost love.

Relationship baggage discarded, Bond is ready for action as a fully-functioning secret service agent again.

While the rest of us see counsellors to get over emotional issues, Bond kills people. Still, we can't move on, as the saying goes, until we have closure! How modern..and offputting. Roll on the next instalment!

Standing out in the crowd

Thailand turned black yesterday for the first day of official mourning ahead of Princess Galyani Vadhana's cremation ceremony.

When I hopped on the bus to work, I noticed everyone was wearing black. I was wearing a shirt in vivid green.

I had forgotten the nation would be in mourning black, and felt embarrassed. When I left the bus and walked to work, almost everyone on the street, I noticed, was also dressed in funereal black.

Back at home, I went through my wardrobe to see if I could find anything black to wear today. I do not want to look disrespectful. How is it that Thais always know these things, but I am the last to find out?

Having a hermit for a boyfriend doesn't help. He didn't tell me everyone was wearing black, even though he had been to the local shopping mall earlier that day. Oh, well.

At work, a foreigner offered to lend me a black shirt. I declined, as I don't want to put him to any trouble.

Maybe I should have said yes. I cannot find a single item of black in my wardrobe, probably because I hate the colour.

'You can always wear white,' says boyfriend Maiyuu.

I shall take a look. I doubt I have much in white either, as I prefer bright colours. They cheer my spirits, and ensure I do not get run over by trucks walking under the dimly-lit overpass on the way to work.

-
Boyfriend Maiyuu has gone back to work in the kitchen, now that pay day has arrived.

Yesterday, he made a spicy pizza, with plenty of green and yellow pepper, ham, and cheese. Last night it was multi-layered chocolate cake, made from a stack of crepes.

Today's it's jok rice soup, made with salmon. When the money runs out, he'll go back to watching television, and waiting for the next pay day to arrive.