Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Sad baker


Boyfriend Maiyuu’s plans to sell his baking have come to nothing.

He was sad and depressed for a few days last week, after he realised he wouldn’t get the work after all.

Last month, I wrote that the sister of a woman he knows had opened a hairdressing salon/coffee shop close to a four-star hotel in Silom.

Back then, she was in the process of finding suppliers for the shop. Maiyuu, we thought, stood a chance of being chosen as one of them.

He made her some chocolate cupcakes as samples, and went to see her. His new friend was enthusiastic, though doubted she would be able to afford it.

Initially Maiyuu proposed selling her the produce. After she hesitated, he proposed simply baking to order. If she was unable to sell anything, he would suffer the loss, not her.

Despite her initial enthusiasm, the woman – who, according to Maiyuu, comes from a family with money – has not called back.

Maiyuu has not called her either. I am not sure if it’s because he’s being a self-effacing Thai, or if he simply can’t be bothered.

One day, if I am ever walking down that way, I shall look for her shop and pay her a visit. I would like to tell her what a good opportunity she missed.

Monday, 9 August 2010

Welcome to BOTM2



Welcome to the new BOTM2 blog.

BOTM2 carries on where its predecessor, Bangkok of the Mind, left off. I have abandoned the old blog after Google yanked my Adsense ads.

It starts life with 1938 posts, and 4756 comments, imported from the old blog.

Here, as I did there, I will write about the life I share in Bangkok with my Thai partner.

The opening post of the blog, which I wrote in April 2006, spoke earnestly about my desire to fit in and make a difference as a farang imbedded in Thai life.

Now that I have the tools to fit in – language skills, and 10 years’ worth of experiences to help guide my way – I am no longer so worried about fitting in, as my choices about where I spend my time, and with whom, will look after that process anyway.

Now, I just want to be happy, which can be harder than it sounds. However, I get better at it as I get older.

In this blog I set down that journey.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Patch it up and start again


Ta
‘I don’t like songs popular with teens today. I prefer old songs.’

That was teenager Mr Ball, as we sat in front of the family computer, watching old YouTube videos.

‘So you are a young man with an old head?’ I asked him.

Ball laughed.

‘Something like that,’ he said.

We have spent the last couple of nights huddled away in a small room off Mum’s bedroom, where the computer sits, sipping beers and watching music videos.

Normally we’d take a berth in the sitting room, where the rest of the family gathers, but Ball wanted to put some space between him and his family, so we hid in the computer room instead.

Ball and his elder sister Kae argued a few nights ago over an unpaid internet bill.

The adults in the household agreed they would chip in every month to pay the bill rather than have Mum find the money herself. Ball’s girlfriend was supposed to pay her share a couple of days ago, but forgot.

Ball and I were seated in the living room as the conversation unfolded that day.

Ball made a comment to his mother which upset Kae. She criticised Ball and his girlfriend, Jay.

Youngest child Beer was on his back. Mum was inspecting the hairs on his head, looking for grey imposters. When she found one, she plucked it out.

Ball retorted, and Kae launched another volley.

As the argument broke over his head, Mr B, looking disgusted, picked himself up and left.

Ball raised his voice, and tears formed in his eyes. Kae, unimpressed, likened her younger brother to a drunken dog.

Girlfriend Jay walked in half way through, but said nothing, as she knows her place.

‘I am an outsider...how can I step in?’ she said later.

Mum snapped at both Kae and Ball for speaking too strongly, but otherwise said nothing, which was disappointing.

In the end, Ball declared he wasn’t standing for any more criticism. ‘Pack a bag...we’re going,’ he told his girlfriend.

Kae carried on shouting as they mounted the stairs to their room.

Ten minutes later, the couple reappeared, bag in hand.

‘It’s raining outside...can’t you wait?’I asked him.

‘I am not staying in a place where people are attacking me,’ he said.

Jay looked at me hopelessly.

‘Please help talk to him,’ she said.

We sat under a motorway on the outskirts of the slum, as Ball cried out his problems.

Ball asked me for a loan so they could spend the night at a cheap hotel.

’That won’t solve anything. Your girlfriend has just finished work and has yet to eat, change her clothes, shower. Why don’t you go back and think about this again tomorrow?’ I asked.

‘I am grown up, and have friends. They can put me up for the night even if you don’t help,’ he said.

‘I want to see you both renting your own place one day. But this is not the time,’ I replied.

‘Or, I could sleep here under the bridge,’ he declared.

Idle taxi driver Lort paid us a visit. The timing was fortunate, as I was starting to despair of my chances of persuading Ball to go home.

I asked about Kae's movements. Kae, he said, had gone to bed.

'If you go back, no one will think ill of you,' I told Ball.

Mr Ball had cried himself out anyway, so we lugged his bag back home.

I bought them a noodle, and said goodnight.

The next day, I visited Ball after he finished work.

He and his sister Kae had yet to talk to each other, but relations appeared to be thawing.

We sat in the computer room, as Ball told me excitedly about his day at work.

Ball has started a new job, delivering mail at a city bank. He and his co-workers started on the same day together, which has helped them draw close, as they regard themselves as equals.

‘No one is gossiping about anyone else, or ordering us about,’ said Ball.

All the previous mail delivery boys were asked to leave, after they were discovered gambling one day at the bank.

Ball loves his new job. Every time we meet at his place, he has a new work story to tell me, as we watch his favourite Thai videos on YouTube.

My job, as I see it, is to be there for him as he chatters excitedly about his new job, and help him get over his troubles at home.

Sister Kae is too proud to climb down, still less apologise, so they tread around each other cautiously, as they wait for their emotional wounds to heal.

‘They are like fire meeting fire,’ Lort told me. ‘Neither will give in to the other.’

Mum sympathises with Kae more than she does with Ball.

‘Ball is hot-headed and doesn’t think,’ she said.

Still, there is cause for hope. On the night of the argument, I called Kae.

I left Ball and Jay, who were having a noodle, and slipped off home to call Kae. She was asleep when I called, but I pressed on regardless.

‘Ball is back. Persuading him to return was hard work. I worry that next time you argue, he may walk out and never come back,’ I told her.

Kae told me what led up to the argument, which helped make sense of why she criticised him that day.

‘Ball believes you are closer to Beer than him, and feels put out, as if you don't love him as much,’ I said.

‘I ask Ball to come out with us, but Ball is seldom interested, as he has his own girlfriend,’ she said.

Kae has her own boyfriend, who lives with her at Ball's place, but said nothing as Kae was criticising her brother.

‘Ball has found a new job which he loves. I hope he sticks at it,’ I said. ‘If this bitterness carries on, he may not.’

Kae cried.

‘I am always happy for him when he does well,’ she said.

If she acts as the scolding big sister, it's because she wants him to take responsibility.

The next night, I told Ball about my conversation with his sister. I can’t expect anyone else to try to patch up their differences, as no one seems interested.

‘Kae cried when I told her you had found a job you enjoy,’ I said. ‘Why do you think she did that?’

Ball pondered for a moment.

‘I don’t know,’ he said, but I detected a smile cross his lips.

Postscript: Singer Ta Chanit Yaisummoer (ต๊ะ ฌานิศ ใหญ่เสมอ), of the band Boyscout, is one of Ball’s favourites (pictured above).

He was performing when Ball was still a boy, but Ball remembers his stuff.

Saturday, 31 July 2010

Google yanks advertising

Readers may have noticed unusual blank spaces in the panel on the left-hand side of this page.

Where once Google proudly displayed its Adsense advertising, now there is nothing. The people who oversee Adsense advertising policies reckon I breached them, by encouraging excessive attention to the advertising itself, or displaying mature/adult content – I am not sure which.

A few weeks ago Google sent me a message warning me about this post, which it said breached its policies for display of Adsense advertising.

It gave me three days to fix the problem, or my account would be suspended, with the result that readers could no longer see my ads.

The warning notice, a standard one sent to all transgressors, said bloggers cannot encourage readers to click the ads, nor attract too much attention to them. It also contained the standard warning about offensive pictures/content, in charming Americanese:

'AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature content. This includes images or video content containing lewd or provocative poses, or close-ups of breasts, butts, or crotches.'

I removed three or four of the pictures on that post (readers will notice that only one remains). None looked particularly naughty to me, though in one picture, Nicky The Stick Sura Theerakol had his hand down his pants, as if he was feeling himself up.

The content was dull – the post is about the poor standard of Thai-made seating, for goodness sake – but the post did contain the standard sidebar reference to Google’s Adsense, which said:

‘Some readers visit day after day, but never seem to notice the Google Adsense advertising on this blog.

‘The ads help keep this blog in business. In fact, if I don't make enough from it, I don't blog.

‘However, for Google's sake I must ask readers: Please click the ads only if you find something of interest.’

I left that blurb in place, as I suspected Google’s objection was mainly to the pictures. Maybe I was wrong, for when the warning period expired, Google sent me another notice saying my Adsense account had been suspended, taking effect from this month.

The result? No Adsense advertising. The response? No more blogging, at least at this site.

I am not prepared to write for nothing. However, I do have a couple of options available to me. I would like readers’ help as to which one I should choose.

1 Resume blogging, but at sister blog Thaiboygay [deleted 20/2/11].

The advantage of this option is that the blog has a web presence, as it’s been going for some time, even if I rarely post to it any more. However, I dislike the name. I created it as a commercial vehicle for drawing readers to its bigger sister blog, Bangkok of the Mind.

The advertising is still going on this blog, even though there are many more guy pics over there than at BOTM. In fact, I transferred all the picture posts over there months ago, as I wanted BOTM to focus mainly on stories.

I could post at TBG temporarily, until Google restores advertising to BOTM.

2. Create a new blog – Bangkok of the Mind 2 – but without pics.

I like the choice of name, as it sounds rebellious – we will not be beaten, even by Google! The disadvantage is that BOTM 2 has no web presence. Even with links to BOTM 2 from this blog and TBG, readership might take some time to build up.

Any ideas?

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

A reformed young man


‘I hope you can keep away from the alcohol today – it’s the first day of Buddhist Lent.’

That was Phra Kew, formerly known as Kew, warning me about the evils of taking the sauce.

As a monk, he has to say such things, I suppose. Still, I was surprised by the extent of the transformation my friend has undergone since he entered the monkhood.

‘I was working as a DJ, getting drunk every night. One day, I found a website on dhamma (Buddhist teaching) which I liked.

‘I decided to do something more useful with my life,’ he said.

I visited Kew yesterday at his temple, a rambling place set in leafy surrounds close to his home.

Kew entered the monkhood in a mass ceremony at Dhammakaya temple in Pathum Thani last Tuesday. He was one of 1000 novices who took the robes (see pictures).

His temple is home to more than 50 monks. I saw few visitors, but perhaps I turned up at the wrong time.

Phra Kew is warming to his new vocation as a monk.

‘I could carry on being a monk indefinitely, moving from one temple to another,’ he said enthusiastically.

Kew introduced me to a younger orange-robed friend with a beautiful smile.

‘This is my nong [junior],’ he said.

I tried not to show too much interest. The young man is a monk after all.

-
I took a motorcycle taxi to the temple. He let me off at the entrance, close to a prayer room.

A senior monk stood outside, welcoming visitors. He asked me who I wanted to see.

I gave my friend's name.

‘Oh, Kew!’ he said, as if his reputation was already well known.

He disappeared for a moment and summoned Kew over the microphone.

‘Kew....a relative is here to see you,’ he said.

A few minutes later, my bald-headed young friend emerged from the prayer room, in the company of three or four younger monks.

‘How did you know...what are you doing here?’ Phra Kew asked as he approached.

Phra Kew looked as if he was about to cry, but was trying not to let it show. He hitched his ill-fitting orange robe back on his shoulder.

I almost cried myself.

Visiting temples is an emotional experience. Whenever I do it, I weep.

I did not give Phra Kew a wai, as he is younger. However, I felt awkward. Next time I shall have to bone up on the etiquette involved in greeting a monk.

‘I didn’t tell anyone I was here...how did you know?’ Phra Kew asked again.

Phra Kew invited me to sit with him. We took a plastic chair each. His friends left us alone to talk.

I told him the story of how I had visited his apartment last week, and left my phone number in the hope that we would make contact. I had visited the apartment many years before, but didn’t know if Kew and his family were still there.

The condo office recognised Kew’s sister from the description I gave, and passed on my telephone number. Kew’s mum called, and told me her son was about to enter the monkhood.

'How is Maiyuu?' Phra Kew asked.

He looked disappointed that I did not bring Maiyuu with me, but I explained that Maiyuu was busy.

Phra Kew looked a little ragged, but it’s been 12 months since I last saw him. I have not seen him bald before. His robes fail to disguise an enormous bad-boy tattoo which Kew wears on his back.

On the plus side, he appears to be growing into his new role in life as a monk.

Phra Kew and I spent 15 minutes together. I sat on the edge of my chair, as eager pupils must when in the presence of a teacher, while Phra Kew expounded about faith and Buddhism, with the odd personal comment dropped in.

I was surprised at how much he had changed. Phra Kew himself seemed unaware of the irony, but he is still young.

Just a few weeks ago, he was living a life of debauchery. Now he warns his visitors off all the vices he himself pursued so enthusiastically, as if he has turned his back on his old life and has sworn himself off the pleasures and temptations it once held.

I told myself not to be to hard on my young friend. Since he took the robes, Phra Kew has a duty to perform.

‘Thailand is full of vice...men pursue lust, teenage girls get pregnant, drugs are rife...Thais are turning away from religion, and society is worse off as a result,’ he lamented.

‘As a farang, I hope you can spread the word,’ he said.

‘Any time you want to meditate, please feel free to pay a visit – and luang pee [a third-person reference to Phra Kew himself] will introduce you to the senior monks here,’ he said.

I tried to steer the conversation away from religion, and back to Kew himself.

‘How is it here...are you coping on two meals a day?’ I asked.

‘At first I wandered around, looking for cigarettes. Here, they ban monks from smoking. But now that I am meditating, I am more at peace. I don’t need them any more,’ he said.

'Meditating was hard, as my legs hurt. Now I am used to it. As for the food, we have a big meal in the middle of the day, so I don’t get hungry,’ he said.

A noticeboard close to the prayer room set out a day in the life of a monk. It lists their daily activities, from when they rise before 5am, and when they go to bed almost 18 hours later.

Some of the Thai words were new to me, and I asked Phra Kew what they meant.

As he explained what he does every day, a small group of his friends in orange gathered around us to watch.

Phra Kew was patient. 'You should have been a teacher,' I thought to myself. Now that he is a monk, his opportunity has arrived.

Phra Kew excused himself, as the monks were gathering at the prayer room to confirm their solidarity with each other. That was mentioned on the noticeboard, too.

‘I am going to see my mum and dad on Sunday morning. My sisters will be there. I can talk more naturally at home. Please come and see me,’ he said.

I agreed.

Earlier, I bought a bucket of personal effects and supplies for Phra Kew. I handed it over, and said goodbye to my reformed bad boy from the Thon Buri side.

At the age of 26 - not before time, his mother would say – Kew appears to have found a place to belong.

Good on him. I hope his happiness lasts.